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A tough topic. On the mere contemplation we react instinctively. As if somebody has cried “Bomb” in an airport we head for the door, a quick exit. But the reason we avoid the question is not out of panic but as a direct response to a nearby emotion – guilt. Parents make us feel guilty. Not living up to their expectations, not calling enough or visiting too seldom. Bottom line is that in many ways family relations constrain us – such a close, intense and intimate type of relationship that can and often will freeze our personal as well as economic growth. It is thus highly relevant to ask this question. Are we better off without our parents? And in order to opinionate on this issue from an objective point of view, please discard the fact that:

• You love them
• They love you
• They brought you to this world
• They said farewell to about a thousand life-preferences in order to have you
• You owe them more than you could ever repay (in money and other indefinable things)
• During decades they fed you, clothed you, taught you the ways of the world – all only to, at a senior age, be sent off to a nursing home

An unbalanced relationship

Putting a father-son, mother-daughter, father-daughter or mother-son relationship in perspective it is with further a due we dive into the importance of balance and equal treatment in a relationship. Just take the rules of a functioning girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. Asking some of my closer “couple-friends” confirms my suspicions. The perception of equality and balance is considered vital in order for a relationship to evolve and stay healthy and individually nourishing. And most of you would hopefully agree with me. You wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where you don’t see eye to eye with your partner, right?

Then why is that exactly the case when it comes to our relationship with our parents? Why are the most important relations in our lives so often breaking the rules of engagement?

Are you still daddy’s little girl?’

According to me, the main reason why most relationships with parents are unbalanced is simple. Parents are simply too bias to know any better. Even when you are all grown up and obtain the intellect of an adult person, it is not unusual or particularly strange that your mom or your dad still treats you as if you were still 12 years old. In their eyes you’re still Daddy’s little girl or Mom’s precious boy. But even as it is fairly easy to understand, it should not be accepted and again raises the question whether or not we are better off without our parents?

Bottom line, according to all the do’s and don’ts, statistics and rules of a relationship your relationship with your parents is one of the more unhealthy kind. But the truth is that if forced to answer the question if you are better off without your parents, most of you would still choose to maintain this “unhealthy relationship”.

I would love to here your thoughts and opinions. Are you a rebel or moma’s boy? What are your answer to the addressed question and why?

I’ll just finish off this session by saying – It’s complicated/TheBeast

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As I was walking the streets of Lisboa, Portugal I walked passed what seemed to be a photo shoot in the middle of the street. A thick crowd had gathered to watch this beauty of a photo model as she was posing for the camera and crew were running around fixing lights and such.

From a distance I took my camera and focus on the urban beauty for a shot to document this seemingly unusual event. And as I looked through the lens at the young photo model she turned her head, intensely looking directly into my camera. Her expression said it all. Like a deer in headlights her face looked almost frightened. A moment of truth. A moment that pretty clearly documents our obsession with outer female beauty. And sure, she was a beauty but the true beauty lied more in the situation. People looking at her with admiration and curiosity and her, the urban angel, finding herself in the core of a surrounding caos.

I wonder what she was thinking?

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We all know the standard tricks to boast our perception of how we look and feel. Make up, push up bra’s, a one-night stand or flattering forced compliments from your partner. For some reason however the things we do to feel beautiful often only solves the problem for the moment. If you are interested in starting to feel beautiful and good about yourself on a day-to-day basis, more permanently, here is a top 10 list with ten controversial tips on how to feel beautiful:

1. Stop being insecure

Easier said than done, we know. But fact is that being insecure and doubting yourself at every instance has a terribly damaging effect on your self-perception. Another fact is also that everybody in the whole wide world feels insecure from time to time. It is impossible to avoid making mistakes or bad calls. What is really important is whether or not you will accept that you are not perfect and unable to know everything all the time. Realizing this, you will be able to be less insecure and dare to be whoever you want.

2. Building self-confidence

This can be achieved in many ways. Self-confidence is strongly linked to our self image and must be at a stable high for us to feel good about ourselves. All of these tips will result in higher selfconfidence. Use them as a step by step guide or make your pick. Either way to reach the goal of loving yourself.

3. Accepting who you are

Acceptance is not the same thing as not growing as a person. However, you must be able to look yourself in the mirror without shuddering. You are who you are and change is just around the corner. But before you can change you need to know what it is that needs changing.

4. Not being your worst critic

Respect. It’s all about respect and knowing yourself. Always assuming you are the one that is wrong and have grasped a situation incorrectly will only make you doubt yourself and your ability to independently make good decisions and choices. Knowing when you are wrong and admitting it to yourself as well as to other is only healthy. It is when you stop trusting yourself you’re in trouble.

5. Being able to take criticism and not taking what other people think of you as a threat

If external forces easily shake you into to doubting yourself you are in a fragile state. People around you, best friends and worst enemies, will always criticize your opinions and values. But this is rarely done to hurt you and more as a sign of interest. Taking criticism or questioning from other as a threat is a survival instinct. But knowing that in the end it only matter what you think, should make it a little bit less threatening. What other people think is not a threat but rather an exchange of opinions. You do not have to change your mind or opinion just because it isn’t shared by others.

6. Finding personal characteristics that you are proud of

It does not have to be much but finding at least one thing that you like about yourself and embracing it is a start. Are you funny, nice to people, humble, friendly etc? This way you will enhance what is unique about you and coming one step closer to accepting the fact that you are beautiful.

7. Thinking that you are in at least one way better than others

Comparing ourselves with others is a hard thing to avoid. And to take a shortcut here a good idea is to actually put yourselves above the people you compare yourself with. Don’t worry, they probably do it as well. Knowing in your mind that you posses skills or talents that the others do not will help you to relax and be yourself.

8. Thinking that you are better than others in a humble and not bully kind of a way

However, this can easily transcend into the creation of qualities resembling people openly thinking their better than others. Limit this tip as a mental exercise because bragging is truly one of man worst traits. It will only convince so many people. Not including yourself.

9. Create good routines

The perception of a cool and likable character today amongst younger people is more than often based on how “free” you are from responsibility, routines and other element considers to a be part of the “adult” life. Eating good, exercising regularly, planning ahead are all good things that will lead to the feeling of being in control of your life. When many people will think you are boring and boxed in your routines, they are simple intimidated and envious that you are not dependent on blurry nights at some random clubs to feel good about yourself. Routines such as these will also show direct result on your energy and figure. And although we do not like to think of physical appearance as the main key to feeling beautiful – it is only to realize that we are all influenced by our western view on beauty.

10. Doing all of these things by yourself

Reassurance, verification and encouragements from family and friends can be considered a bonus at most. Relying on others to define who you will merely give you an excuse to really find out yourself.

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